Confucius (551-479 BCE) was a Chinese philosopher. He was a teacher and philosopher too. Confucius was mostly popular for his teachings recorded in the ‘analects’. It was a collection of his sayings and ideas.
Now come to the most important part. The funny quotes often attributed to Confucius are just modern fabrications. Those are not genuine sayings of confucius. Humorous attributions play off Confucius’ reputation as a wise thinker and for adding a comedic twist for entertainment. Authentic Confucian teachings, primarily documented in the “Analects,” focus on ethics, morality, and social harmony rather than humor. So never mix up these things. They do not represent his true philosophical contributions. Just enjoy and keep in mind that these are not proven that Confucius actually said these.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
Man who sleeps with itchy butt wakes with smelly finger.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Man who jumps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who keeps feet firmly on ground has trouble putting on pants.
Man who cuts self while shaving loses face.
Man who fights with wife all day gets no peace at night.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into own hands.
Man who runs naked through airport terminal is going to Bangkok.
Man who walks through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft gets a tone of A flat miner.
Man who stands on street corner with hands in pockets feels foolish feels nuts.
Man who drops watch in toilet has crappy time.
Man who sits on tack gets point.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who sits on hot stove will rise again.
Man who eats prunes gets good run for money.
Man who sits on barbed wire fence, barbed wire in front of him and fence in back, is stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of self.
Man who makes love to exhaust pipe of car has hot rod.
Man who juggles over sea is bound to drop in ocean.
Man who swims with sharks should use chum for aftershave.
Man who takes up bird-watching has eagle eye.
Man who sticks head in sand will have dirty face.
Man who pulls stinger from bee ends up with buzz kill.
Man who wears too many layers finds life stifling.
Man who chases dreams can never catch a nap.
Man who runs around with one foot in grave is bound to trip.
Man who tries to sell ice to Eskimos melts profits.
Man who drinks too much tea ends up in hot water.
Man who eats soup with fork goes hungry.
Man who laughs last did not get joke.
Man who keeps mouth shut avoids foot.
Man who walks upstairs sideways is going to step up game.
Man who stands on banana peel soon finds floor.
Man who steals calendar gets twelve months.
Man who cooks carrots and peas in same pot not very sanitary.
Man who eats crackers in bed wakes up crummy.
Man who forgets sunscreen feels burnt out.
Man who sits in sun without shade is a hot head.
Man who grabs electric fence is shocked by result.
Man who runs upstairs burns calories but wastes time.
Man who uses broken mirror sees shattered self.
Man who lays on couch too long becomes potato.
Man who stubs toe in dark curses self.
Man who holds wrong end of knife gets point.
Man who eats too many beans has explosive personality.
Man who spins yarn gets tangled in own story.
Man who plays with fire gets burnt.
Man who sits on cactus feels stuck.
Man who sits on pin gets point.
Man who throws stone in glass house invites trouble.
Man who stays in bathtub too long becomes prune.
Man who misplaces marbles goes crazy.
Man who jumps off a cliff makes a big splash.
Man who plays with matches may start something.
Man who walks against wind gets blown away.
Man who juggles knives risks losing edge.
Man who swims upstream is going against the flow.
Man who leaves house without keys is locked out.
Man who argues with fool loses battle.
Man who eats hot soup burns tongue.
Man who stands on thin ice finds cold reception.
Man who sticks nose in book learns more.
Man who talks too much hears own echo.
Man who eats cookies in bed finds crumbs.
Man who runs on ice skates on thin surface.
Man who carries heavy load feels weight.
Man who carries umbrella prepares for rain.
Man who forgets anniversary finds cold shoulder.
Man who walks under ladder invites bad luck.
Man who whispers down wind hears own voice.
Man who works too hard finds life laborious.
Man who plays cards wisely holds aces.
Man who counts stars loses sleep.
Man who asks for directions finds way.
Man who feeds birds gets pooped on.
Man who digs hole for others falls in.
Man who walks through park sees trees.
Man who plants flowers reaps beauty.
Man who paints house bright stands out.
Man who neglects garden gets weeds.
Man who lives simply has fewer worries.
Man who looks at stars dreams big.
Man who climbs mountain finds view.
Man who rows boat works harder.
Man who watches pot finds time slow.
Man who tells secrets whispers.
Man who yells in canyon hears echo.
Man who sharpens pencil makes point.
Man who eats fast finds food gone.
Man who drives fast finds end quick.
Man who trains dog finds friend.
Man who reads maps knows way.
Man who skips steps stumbles.
Thank you for Joining us.
Mehrab Musa From SnickerShow Signing off Today.
